Well, here I am, 10 days before I enter the MTC!
All I can say is that I am both equally excited, and incredibly nervous. Its finally just beginning to sink in that I'm leaving to serve a mission. Before, it wasn't hitting me very hard because I didn't have my VISA so I didn't feel that looming pressure of leaving. And after my delay, I felt a weight come over me, and I was confused about whether or not I was ment to go. I have wanted to go on a mission ever since I was in Primary, but I had never experienced that prompting that told me, "Yes, you have to go." So I let my thoughts ponder and dwell on what my life could be like if I didn't choose to serve. Honestly, it's not such a shabby life. I could get married, finish school, start a career or a family. But as I prayed about this option, and went to the Temple for guidance, something in my heart felt off. I began to want this dream so badly, that I stopped planning for a mission, and started dreaming about other things. I was in fact tempted to ask God, to let me feel okay with staying home. Instead, I found comfort in the scriptures, and my Patriarchal Blessing.
I remembered that Christ sacraficed Himself for us, His entire life was a mission to bring us salvation through the atonement. How could I ask God to work his plans around what I want, instead of what He wants, when ultimately, He knows what I need, better than I do.
It hit me, that God has a big picture, a view of start to finish of my life (all our lives) and that I have to trust Him to help me choose the directions that I am to take. 1 Nep 3:7- I will go and do. This phrase, along with the phrase "Go forth with faith," continued to enter my mind over the past few weeks and especially this last week. I finally humbled myself and prayed a sincere prayer that I would do as Heavenly Father asks, that I would serve if He wants me to serve, it didn't matter when I got my VISA, I would "Go and Do." I can't explain the feelings that came over me that night, but I will tell you that after, I knew that God had heard my prayer, and that He would answer it.
Not a day later did I receive a call that my VISA was approved, and just the next day, I received the packet in the mail. I have prayed about my descision to serve a mission, and I know without a shadow of a doubt that it is what Heavenly Father wants me to do. I am nervous, overwhellmed, and worried about being a terrible missionary, but I am also excited to see how God will strengthen my weaknesses and guide me so that I can become stronger than I am.
"He never said it would be easy, He only said it would be worth it." I am excited to serve, to gain a stronger testimony of this Church, and to meet so many people who are looking for the same light that has brought me so much joy and comfort. I'm about to embark on my biggest adventure yet...Ready, Set, Go! Wish me luck.
